


Kronos

by Jaskiers_BrokenLute



Series: Geraskier as Keaton Henson Songs [9]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angry Jaskier | Dandelion, Angst, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Apologizes, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Has Feelings, Insecure Jaskier | Dandelion, M/M, Post-Episode: S01E06 Rare Species, Sad Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Sad Jaskier | Dandelion, Teacher Jaskier | Dandelion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:28:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26590672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaskiers_BrokenLute/pseuds/Jaskiers_BrokenLute
Summary: "It took two months for Geralt to finally snap.He knew immediately that he'd fucked up, when Jaskier left he could already feel the loneliness beginning to take residence once again in his place."Or: another post mountain fic.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: Geraskier as Keaton Henson Songs [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753009
Comments: 9
Kudos: 153





	Kronos

**Author's Note:**

> Based of the lyrics of Kronos by Keaton Henson

It took two months for Geralt to finally snap. 

He knew immediately that he'd fucked up, when Jaskier left he could already feel the loneliness beginning to take residence once again in his place. It had been so long since he'd felt truly alone in the world, over twenty years. Twenty years thrown away in twenty fucking seconds.  
As if it had never meant anything to him. 

Even when he and Jaskier were separated, whether it be for months at a time when winter draped itself over the continent, or a few days while he was on a hunt too dangerous for Jaskier to join, he always knew Jaskier was out there, always knew he was coming back. He was never truly alone when he had Jaskier. 

That's the difference, this time Jaskier isn't waiting for him in another town or teaching at Oxenfurt for the season. This time he isn't coming back. He'd walked away and Geralt will never see him again if he doesn't do something about the hole he'd created in his life. 

It's that thought that begins the dull ache inside of him, that grew and grew and demanded to be heard until he could barely sleep with how out of place he felt without Jaskier. 

Every dream he has was filled with Jaskier's laugh, his voice, singing and chattering on and on about anything and everything in the world, he woke up in pain more often than not, his chest heavy with the weight of knowing Jaskier was out there somewhere without him. Hopefully laughing and singing despite how much he knows he'd hurt him. He never thought he'd miss the sound of Jaskier's voice enough for it to physically pain him, the thought of forgetting his voice more terrifying than any monster he'd ever fought. 

Every waking moment is spent silently wishing he'd learned how to treat Jaskier right before he'd learned how not to.

After two months the silent wishing, waking up with only splinters of dreams left to know Jaskier by, and loneliness so heavy it made his entire body ache, he snapped and began his search for Jaskier. 

He hadn't thought of what he'd say or do when he finally found Jaskier, didn't plan a single thing other than to find him and get things back to the way they were supposed to be. 

He started by heading north, towards Oxenfurt. When Jaskier had no place to go and was in need of coin and lodgings, or even if he simply needed a place to call home, he went back to Oxenfurt.   
There was always a teaching position available for Jaskier, as well as a room in the university that was his year-round. Geralt had been inside once, it's scattered with notebook after notebook, papers filled with stories, poems, music notes, and epic ballads, more instruments than he'd seen anywhere other than a shop, and more books than he could possibly count. It looked more like a storage container than a room, but there was a bed and a room to bathe, which was enough for Jaskier. 

That was his best bet on where to start his search, and if he weren't there he'd simply have to travel aimlessly and ask around, hoping someone would have any idea where Jaskeir is or had been.   
It doesn't matter how long or how hard the search was going to be, as long as he found Jaskier, saw him at least once more. 

Pushing north, he made good time, better than he would if he were simply heading for a contract or on his way to Kaer Morhen, The only real breaks he took were for Roache's sake, getting a few hours of sleep or meditation a night so he wouldn't collapse on the road. 

His exhausting pace paid off once he made it to the university. 

There were flocks of students walking around the grounds of the school, Geralt paid no mind to them until a young boy approached him. 

"Are you Geralt of Rivia?" He asked, eyes scanning over Geralt, coming back to meet his eyes once he'd seen his fill. 

"Yes," He answered, hoping this conversation would end so he could continue his search for Jaskier. 

"You should leave," The boy stated simply, not in the malicious, disgusting way people usually said those words to him, but as if he were trying to warn Geralt of something. 

"Why?" 

"Because if Professor Pancratz sees you here I doubt you'll make it out alive," 

Pancratz, Julian Alfred Pancratz, that's how Jaskier had introduced himself at the base of the mountain. He's here. 

"Take me to him," He demanded, ignoring the bit when the boy said Jaskier apparently would kill him if he saw him here. 

"He doesn't want to see you, but if you insist," He shrugged, turning and starting towards the university entrance. 

Geralt followed readily, relieved that he was right in heading here first, but more nervous by the second. He really should have thought this out more before he took off headfirst into such a detrimental conversation. This could make or break his future with Jaskier, if they were to have a future at all depends on what he says when he sees him again. 

"He's in here, last chance to leave." The boy turned to him just outside a door with a 'Professor Pancratz' plaque on it. He took a steadying breath and nodded. 

The boy knocked twice before opening the door, peeking his head in so Geralt wasn't visible just yet. 

"Skyler, what can I do for you?" 

Geralt's stomach sank when he heard that voice. It was exactly as he remembered. Granted it had only been two months, but it felt like forever, and hearing him speak again nearly knocked him off his feet. He could even hear the easy smile he wore, see it perfectly in his mind. 

"Are you busy?" Skyler answered, taking a step inside but still holding the door just barely open, seemingly only planning on letting Geralt in if it worked with Jaskier's schedule. It was nice to see Jaskier being cared for by others while Geralt couldn't. 

"Never too busy for my students," He answered sweetly. He always knew Jaskier made a good teacher and seeing it in action only confirmed the thought. 

"Well, I have a not, student, with me who wants to see you. Only if you're okay with a visitor right now."

"Yes, I have some time right now." 

Skyler nodded, opening the door so that Geralt was no visible. "Sorry," He spoke softly before walking back down the way they came, leaving Jaskier and Geralt alone. 

"Geralt," He breathed, standing from where he was sat behind his desk, eyes wide and hands fidgeting for something to do. Geralt hated how visibly uncomfortable he'd made him by simply being here. Only a short time ago Jaskier was more comfortable in his presence than out of it. He was the only person he'd ever met who was like that. He'd give anything right now for that to be the way it was again. 

"Jaskier," He smiled softly, walking further into the room, but leaving a spacious distance between him and Jaskier in case the bard was uncomfortable with him being too close. 

"What are you doing here?"

"I've been looking for you, I need to tell you, to apologize for what I said on the mountain. I never meant to hurt you, I was wrong." He explained, desperately searching his mind for anything else to say, knowing it wasn't enough. But Jaskier had always been the voice of the two of them. 

"You've been looking for me, all this time just to tell me that I wasn't wrong?" He asked a smile on his face that made Geralt want to disappear where he stood. 

"Is that all you can give me back?"

Of course, he'd fucked it up, the once chance he had and he'd broken it all over again. As much as it hurts he knows there's so little he can do, nothing he can give to Jaskier to fix everything he'd broken over all the years they'd been together. 

"I'm not good at this, but I know that what I said was bullshit, you've been nothing but good to me while I was shit. You were my greatest blessing." 

"You think you can come here and tell me what I already know and expect me to come crawling back to you?" He scoffed, shaking his head. "I'm sure you could have done less than that." He spat, anger clear in his voice and on his face. Geralt had never seen him look like this, empty of all the joy and sun he usually radiated. This must be what he'd seen every time Geralt used like target practice for his misplaced anger. It made him sick to his stomach. 

"Is that it? You have nothing else to say?" He challenged, walking closer to Geralt, stopping mere steps away from him. 

When Geralt came up empty on anything to say Jaskier laughed, a harsh and ugly thing, nothing like what played over and over again in Geralt's dreams. 

"Then you can be leaving, and don't ever come back." 

"No, Jaskier please I just need time to make this right." He practically begged, knowing that if he walked out that door he'd be stuck in the loneliness and melancholy forever. He couldn't live with himself if he left now. 

"And I should give you that? More time? I have given you everything!" He shouted, his calm breaking, teeth bared as he screamed.   
"I gave you everything for decades, if I could take it back I would. This has been the best of me Geralt, I have nothing left to give you!"

Geralt stared at the floor in shame, he truly had taken everything from Jaskier, giving nothing back. Seeing what he'd left behind after all these years felt like being gutted where he stood. 

"I hope you end up missing me," Jaskier spoke quietly, staring at the door in a silent demand for Geralt to leave. 

"You have no idea how much I've missed you." He answered, not moving from where he was, not ready to leave. He could stand here and listen to Jaskier shout at him for hours if it only meant he was here. It was the least of what he deserved anyway. 

"Don't I?" Jaskier asked, his voice thick with emotion as he finally met Geralt's eye, though he doubts Jaskier can even see him past the unshed tears filling his eyes, on the verge of spilling and breaking Geralt down even more. 

"Jaskier, if I could give you back all the years you've wasted on me I would. If I could take back every second I took you for granted I would. I wish I never said what I said, from the second we met I wish I was better for you. I wish I told you how much I like your singing, I wish I thanked you for all that you've done for me, I wish I never met you because then you wouldn't be hurt right now. But I can't take any of that back, it's too late and I know it, I deserve to be alone and I certainly don't deserve you, but you need to know that I would take it all back if I could." 

"So would I," Jaskier's voice broke as the dam before his eyelids broke, sending tears down his cheeks and onto to floor by his feet.

"I'm sorry," He took the few impossible steps closer to Jaskier and wrapped his arms around the man, shaking with the force of his tears. He didn't fight against Geralt but didn't return the hug, simply leaning his weight on Geralt's chest and crying onto his shoulder. 

He sobbed as if he hadn't released any of it since the mountain, long overdue pain pouring out of him in loud, ugly cries that could probably be heard from the neighbouring classrooms. 

The sound hurt to hear, but Geralt stayed, rubbing gentle circles on Jaskier's back, the other hand on the back of his head to keep him close, to let him know that he was here for as long as he needed to break. 

"Jaskier, I won't ask anything of you, I only want you to know the truth." He whispered once Jaskier's cries had died down into a barely-there shaking, still pressed against Geralt's chest.

"I know, Geralt I already know." 

"What can I do?" 

"Just, stay, please. I wish I could tell you to leave but I still need you."

"Okay," Geralt said softly, selfishly hoping Jaskier needs him for a little longer. 


End file.
